I surrender. I give up. Stick a fork in me – I’m done. There are many ways to say this, but they are all equally difficult to say out loud. And now, this is especially difficult to write down. There are so many people who have encouraged me and given me advice and now I feel like I’m letting them down. I decided that I’m not going to run the Columbus full this month, after all. I’ve been struggling with motivation this entire training season. Turns out that training for a marathon is easy…if it is your first one! Okay, maybe not exactly easy, but in comparison to training for your second marathon, it is a piece of cake! At least that has been my experience.
This weekend I was supposed to run/walk my final long run – 18 miles before the 3-week taper. I had a super busy weekend with work so I decided to take Monday off and run it. Meanwhile that weekend I found out that my dear hubby was not planning on making the trip to Columbus with me this time. I had assumed that he and my son would be coming. This was the proverbial last straw. Now let me stop here and say that I’m not in any way throwing my hubby under the bus. He has been extremely great and supportive through all of my running and races over the last few years. I had simply assumed that he was planning to make that trip and I was wrong. It is more difficult to go when the race is out of town – boarding the dog, etc. I get it. And let’s face it – not tons of fun for spectators waiting for hours in the cold. You have seen the signs “the most boring parade ever”!! I was already lacking motivation (clearly) for training for this race, but I just could not picture me successfully running it knowing that no one would be there at the finish line. Truthfully I doubted that I would be there at the finish line too! The way my training had gone I had very real doubts whether or not I could finish. Not to mention I had a hell of a time by myself just parking and navigating my way to the start line for the 1/2 in Columbus last year. This anxiety would just be multiplied this year with 26.2 in front of me. Rather than be devastated and alone in the streets of Columbus I finally decided to just pull the plug on this race once and for all. My sweet husband tried to convince me that I wasn’t quitting, but rather starting the race and not finishing would be quitting. But, my dear, sweet son, was there with the hard hitting truth. “So you are quitting, huh?” he said to me, shaking his head. Ugh. I just don’t feel ready – that is the honest to goodness truth. And frankly, I don’t want to walk. I ran it in 2011 and if I ever do it again, I want to run. Yes, I know I have issues!
In closing I’d like to quote Mark Cuban, one of the entrepreneurs from one of our favorite shows, Shark Tank. “And for those reasons and those reasons alone, I’m out.”