Nov 11, 2016
Yep, it is Veterans Day. This is a day when we should feel proud for the veterans that have fought for our country and for our freedoms. But unfortunately, today I can’t even go there. I’m still reeling from the shocking and horrible outcome of the election on Nov 8. I simply cannot believe that Americans have elected a man who exemplifies the worst of our nation. This is a man who has bragged about sexual assault, called Mexican immigrants rapists, called prisoners of war cowardly and who has been endorsed by the KKK. He has disrespected and insulted every single group of people except for white men. I know some Trump supporters will say they voted on policy and “don’t really like the man”, and “yeah, he is kind of a jerk.” Um….I find that ridiculous and disturbing. First, I don’t believe Trump ever explained any detailed policy, like ever, unless you count the sound bites like “Build the Wall” and other choice phrases. And when exactly are we supposed to go back to in order to “Make America Great Again?” Like slavery times? Or back before women had the right to vote? You mean, those good old days?? The fact that someone would “choose policy” over the very dignity of other human beings is beyond disturbing.
But let’s stop talking about policy. This is not about my candidate losing and it is SO much beyond politics. This is actually deeply personal to me. After the outcome of this election I feel personally devalued as a woman. I have felt this way all through the election process actually, especially after so many troubling things came out about this man, the blatent disrespect and sexism shown for women over and over again. But I kept hoping right up through election night. I had faith that the American people would not choose the path of hate and disrespect. But I was wrong. What I thought was just pockets of uneducated white folks in rural America has emerged as half of our country and include my family and friends at work and in my neighborhood. THIS IS SO DISTURBING AND HURTFUL!
I have never in my life felt this way before. I feel like I need to draw strict boundaries around myself, only allowing the people who I trust in my inner circle. Certain relationships in my life are broken – something has shifted and I am not so sure how/if they will heal. The thing that hurts the most is that the women who are closest to me in my life are on the other side of this issue and that feels like they don’t care and have rejected me. They don’t understand the depth of what I feel and it hurts to see the insensitive things that they have re-posted on Facebook. And you know what? At this point, I honestly don’t want to know or understand why they voted for this monster. Nothing they can say right now can make this okay. This is just where I am right now.
I know I should probably get off of Facebook and maybe I should. However, that is one place where I am connected with allies and I find support and hope and that is why I choose to stay. They are in my circle. We have to support each other while we try to find footing is this new reality.
Yes, I am grieving, but I am not grieving the loss of an election.
I’m grieving the loss of civility.
I’m grieving the loss of hope.
I’m grieving the loss of respect.
I’m grieving the loss of equality.
I’m grieving the loss of freedoms.
I’m grieving the loss of feeling safe.
I’m grieving the loss of the America I love.
We are broken. I am broken.
So yeah, Happy Veterans Day.