>The Fear Factor

>No, I’m not talking about the TV show. I think it is still on. I could never watch it. You know, the one that involves doing crazy stunts and eating live worms and (gag), okay, enough of that.

No, I’m talking about fear…our fear…okay, actually my fear. Ever since I registered for the 1/2 marathon earlier this month I have been stalled in my running routine (read: haven’t run at all). I have worked out, but been really hesitant to run. The 14 week training program starts the first week of February. What is going on, right?! Now, for those of you who know me well, you know that I usually have to ponder things, and then talk about them, ad nauseum, and maybe even write about them, before I finally figure them out. It is just part of my hard-wiring, I guess.

This probably explains why I haven’t blogged in awhile. I’ve been trying to figure this all out before expressing it. It finally dawned on me the other day, while I was Facebook chatting with a friend. I’m scared. Not, “Halloween & Michael Myers” scared, but fearful. Of what, one might ask. It is psychological fear. I think I have a fear of failure about this race. What happens if I can’t do it? What happens if I get injured? What if I have to walk?? How will I feel if I can’t do it?? These questions and self doubts have been haunting me ever since I signed up. I have also had some negative thoughts creep in lately like, “You aren’t a runner”. “13 miles is too far.” “What the hell are you thinking?” If that isn’t bad enough I think in a way I also have a fear of success…in terms of wondering what I will do next after I finish or what if it doesn’t feel as great at the end as I think it will? After thinking about this and even writing this now I have come to one big conclusion.

I think too friggin’ much!!!!

What ever happened to just enjoying the journey and not worrying about the end goal?! This is what I need to do. I need to squash the self doubts and questions before they start and concentrate on one workout at a time. I have to remember to be disciplined, focused and committed to my training – one workout at a time. At the end of the day, I have the right to fail. I have the right to succeed. Whichever it is it will be my choice, but I want to enjoy the journey and go kicking and screaming either way.

IF IT IS TO BE, IT IS UP TO ME!!!!

>The Perfect Storm

>I’m sore. I mean, my body is sore. More to the point my leg muscles are sore. Now, I’m not talking, I-pulled-a-muscle sore, or, I-over-did-it-at-the-gym sore. I’m talking sore as in I-went-on-a-white-water-rafting-trip-yesterday sore. Because I have done that before and ouch.

Now to what can I attribute this muscle discomfort at every step? Well, as far as I can determine it was the total impact of three activities that culminated in this pain. First, as you may recall, I went to a cool boot camp thing bright and early last Wednesday am. I felt that the next day and still felt it on Friday. Then, to add insult to injury I did my first Jillian Michaels DVD on Saturday am. I felt that workout a bit the next day, but just in time for my nephew’s birthday party at “SkyZone” which is a gianormous trampoline place. This was the icing on the cake. Truly. I jumped, of course. Duh. But not just your standard jumping. Oh no. Once I realized that this was definitely a workout kind of thing, I began to get really into it and jumped higher and higher and did the splits more and more, showing off a bit in front of the teenage “staff” people on duty. They were ultra-impressed by my gymnastic ability. I could tell by how they were staring at me. I know they certainly didn’t think I was a creepy 40-something hooting and hollering like a lunatic. No, they were really impressed. That must have been why they were encouraging all the little kids to stay outta my way. Yeah, that was it.

Anyway, I digress…

So, cut to this am as I wake up sore as sore can be! Ugh – I was a victim of the perfect storm!!! The tri-fecta affect has done me in! Not to mention that I also re-aggravated my Achilles tendon injury a bit. But, hey, I wasn’t running! I mean, come on, what is a little jumping gonna hurt?! It is low-impact!! Ouch. Okay, I’ve learned my lesson, yet again. Not gonna do any activity for another full week and two days! Thinking instead about the long term…and wishing for calmer seas!!!

>”Doctor, Doctor, Give me the News…”

>So I finally bit the bullet and got my foot looked at yesterday by a foot doctor. I explained the situation to him and the first thing he asked me was, “Do you stretch before running?” My deer-in-the-headlights look immediately told him the answer to that was a resounding “no”. I explained that I stretched after running and he said, “Why would you do that!?” I had no good answer for that one either. So, after looking and feeling my ankle he told me I had tendinitis and that I should not do anything for two weeks. He said I should allow time for it to heal so it does not burst. After that time I could start back with low level stuff like swimming and biking. I asked him why I got injured – was it from my shoes, or what and he said…”because you aren’t stretching”. Duh. That makes total sense. My last 5K was very hilly, chilly weather and I didn’t stretch at all. As a matter of fact, I have made it a (bad) habit to bag stretching before running for awhile now. “I don’t need to do that,” I thought. “That is for newbees”. Wrong! So, I have learned my lesson. I will begin incorporating stretching as soon as I can start working out again.

I’ve decided to have a good attitude about this “time off” and look at the bright side. It is only two weeks. There are 52 weeks in the year so that is only a small portion of time comparatively. At least the tendon is still in good shape. If I hadn’t talked to the doctor and instead just pushed through it, I could have really risked having it burst and then the healing would be waaaayyy longer. I also am looking at the positive part of doing alternative activity. Swimming is great exercise and I can bike too. I already found out that LifeCenter opens at 5am so I can get in the pool early before work. So, I have a plan…it is just delayed. I may even do some upper body at home, ab workouts, whatever just to have something to do that doesn’t involve my lower body. So that is the update. I WILL be positive about this!!!

So, I won’t be competing in a Turkey Trot this year…bummer. What could I do instead??

>I Need an Attitude Adjustment…

>Or a good run! Ugh! Today I feel like the odds are against me. I finally got up the gumption to go run and I get to the locker room and forget my combination. Seriously. Who does this?? I tried for 10 minutes and finally just gave up – defeated. I came up to get it from my purse in my office in order to give it another try and then my foot started hurting and that was all I needed to bag it entirely. Not meant to be I guess. I’m just sick and tired of a bunch of things! Maybe if I vent them all here, I can leave them here and frickin’ move-on! I apologize now if this is a negative entry, but it is my blog after all so here goes:

These are the things I’m sick and tired of:
1. Coughing! I’ve had this annoying cough for weeks and can’t shake it even though I’m on an antibiotic. Seriously at times I sound like I smoke 1 1/2 packs a day.
2. My hurting foot – heal already!
3. Paying at WW – I want to get back to my goal weight and just stay there.
4. (related to #1) Not being able to taste my food because of this sinus or whatever thing I have. That just sucks as I kinda enjoy food as you know.
5. Feeling constantly on the treadmill of life that just doesn’t stop. The to-do lists just get longer and time marches on…
6. My own attitude! I’m depressing myself as I read this! I just need to get those endorphins going again!

Okay, Lisa’s Pity Party of One is now OVER!

>STILL Benched!

>So, as I wrote in a previous post, I hurt my Achilles tendon in a race a week ago Saturday. I mean it swelled to the point I couldn’t wear a shoe with a back on it for a few days. I talked to a friend-runner of mine the following Monday and she said I should just rest it for awhile and it will be fine. Runners don’t go to the doctor for these types of things. Why? Because it is just a waste of a co-pay. The doctor will say, “Don’t Run”. Duh. So, that is exactly what I’ve been doing since Oct 23. Nothing. Now, yes, I should be cross-training. But, runners get so spoiled because running is really the perfect workout and takes the least amount of time. I mean, 30 minutes, done. There is no driving somewhere, etc. I can do it anywhere. It really is the perfect form of workout. That is under you are injured. Ugh. My foot is much better now…it is almost normal and I really need to try it out again – slowly. But the truth of the matter is, I’m chicken! I don’t want to hurt it again. So, I’m stuck. I don’t want to invest the time in cross-training and I’m too chicken to begin to run again. Wow, I am indeed a Taurus. Stubborn and with all or nothing thinking! But at least because I’m admitting it – there is hope, right?!

It is on my agenda (again) for tomorrow at noon. My goal will be to run 1 1/2 miles with a good 5 minute walk first and see how that feels. I’ll report back…wish me luck!

>I Need a Coach!

>So, I’ve determined I need my own personal coach. I don’t mean “life coach”, whatever that is. I mean a running coach. I don’t really need someone to run with me, but I need someone to help me set new goals and help keep me motivated. I’ve not been feeling well this weekend so I haven’t been running. As a matter of fact I have not run since Wednesday – ugh. As an attempt to act as my own coach, I did sign up for a 5K for next Saturday – if nothing else just to make sure I run this week! My weekly goal for the longest time has been to run 4 times a week, but truth be told, I’ve been lucky to get 2 in a week the last couple of weeks – either due to being busy, weather changes, or being sick. Part of it is also due to not having a goal to strive for. Maybe it is that 5K’s are just not doing it for me anymore. But, do I start training for a 10K? Do I start training for a half marathon? I’m just not sure. And at this time of year, what is realistic? How can I get my butt in gear to run in the mornings? You see, this is why I need a coach. Or maybe just a subscription to a runner’s magazine.

>The “Sick” Run

>So today at lunch I ran not feeling totally myself. I’m not sick exactly, but I just have an annoying cough. The run was good for the most part – I didn’t even really cough that much. But right after I felt such pressure in my chest…that was the first time I’d ever felt that…ugh. Thankfully, it went away by the time I was done in the shower.

Oh, on another totally unrelated note…are there such things as dog walkers…in Cleveland suburbs? I mean, I saw a woman on my run today walking like 5 dogs today. I didn’t know there was such a thing as dog walkers anywhere besides big cities. Or maybe she just has a lot of dogs. It is hard to say. Things that make you go, hmmm, for sure…

>Does dinner “time” matter?

>So, my dilemma for this week is, “Does dinner time matter?” Now, I don’t mean this literally, I mean, I do, but my emphasis is not actually on the dinner part of dinner time…of course dinner is important. It could be a good time to bond with family, get caught up with friends, try a new recipe and/or relax from the stress of the day. But, what I’m talking about is the actual “time” dinner takes place. When is the optimum time to eat dinner? Is there a magical hour after which you should not eat a big meal or eat a meal at all? Some people think so. But if you ate the same amount of calories, fat, protein, etc would it really matter to your body what time it was consumed? Oh the questions. Hmmm.

Why do I care, you ask? Well, because yes, I had to pay again Saturday at Weight Watchers. My attention was really not on this at the meeting because after all my friend hit her goal of losing 100 pounds!!! Yahoo!!! Word for SR!!! Anywho, but Saturday has passed and I figure I better deal with this. So I’m 5 pounds over my goal weight and just three pounds over my “have to pay” amount. What’s the deal? As I’ve blogged about in past entries, we are a football family once again and are trying to maintain the family meal at dinner…you know the whole “keeping the feast” thing? This has meant that I’m cooking or reheating at 8pm. I’m just wondering if this change in timing of our dinner has had any impact on my recent scale happenings. Not sure I can know for sure.

So, this week, I’m going to try an experiment. I’m going to go home first, eat dinner myself at a normal time, and then sit with my family after practice while they eat. No, it is not ideal, but I gotta try somethin’ I’ll let you know what happens. Oh, and I have to run again regularly too…now that could be something…

>Facing the Music

>So, it finally happened. I had to pay at Weight Watchers this morning. (wa, wa, wa – to the tune of Charlie Brown’s teacher). For those who aren’t familiar with how it works I’ll ‘splain it to you. Once you are a lifetime member you only have to weigh in once a month and provided you are within two pounds of your goal weight you are free, free, free. I weigh in EVERY week and I’ve been free every month since I reached goal in November 2009…until today (August).

Now I sort of knew this was coming based on a couple of things. First, I was up last week. Second, it is the time of the month when my body holds a little bit more weight (you get my drift). Third, I weighed in a day early because I’m going out of town on Saturday. And lastly, it is called Murphy’s law – bound to happen sometime. It is sort of ironic, however, because this has been a really great week for me in terms of activity – I ran twice and did my Bosu class twice. But, come to think of it, I went to Handel’s for ice cream twice too…hmm. I tracked well, fairly well, but I think I may have overcompensated for the amount of activity I did and maybe did one too many “bites, licks and tastes” that didn’t count (at least in my tracker)!

Knowing all of this, a smarter woman might not have weighed in today. The way it works is that the first meeting of the month that you weigh in counts, no matter what. So, given that, I could have waited and weighed in next week for August in order to let nature take its course, so to speak, and work to get that pound and a half off. But, since I’m all about accountability I’m committed to the every week weigh in, no matter what. Turns out, I’m not perfect afterall, what do you know!?

I’m glad I weighed in. Not real glad about having to pay the $11.00, but glad that I held myself accountable even when I could have taken the easy way out. The easy road is not always the best road, for sure. Hopefully, when I face the scale next week the music will be sweeter. But either way, I’ll show up cause that is what it is all about!! 🙂

>Binge Deconstructed

>So in honor of “keeping it real” on my blog I’m going to share my monster cookie experience from last night. I realize that this is supposed to be a motivational blog, sharing my tips and experiences to help motivate other people, but come on – no one’s perfect and we learn more from our failures, blah, blah, blah, right? Right. Okay. So, in preparation for my son’s high school graduation party coming up in a week I decided to make “monster” cookies as the dessert rather than cake. I won’t bore you with the details of why, but there it is. So, I decided to get the jump on making them last night so I could just freeze them all and check something off my list. Now, as I was mixing up the dough I realized that I hadn’t made these cookies in quite a long time…since probably before I came back to weight watchers. These cookies are deadly good…brown sugar, sugar, oatmeal, m&m’s, chocolate chips – you get the picture. My family loves these, but I just don’t make this sort of stuff anymore and now I remember why. It is not like I never make desserts…well, come to think of it, most of the time if I do make something sweet like that I’m taking it to either church or work – and again, now I know why. So, I mixed up the dough, started putting them on the cookie sheets and then I decided to have a taste of the dough. Zachary had some so why not, that is a fun thing to do when making cookies, right? It was yummy…yummier than I remember, so I had another taste and another and another. Pretty soon, the timer beeped on the oven and they were done perfectly! I decided to treat myself to a couple of them – I had some floater points left for the week. The first bite was the best and before I knew it I had eaten 3 cookies. Now, I had the taste of sugar, wanted more and kinda lost control. I do remember thinking, “to hell with it, I’m eating them!” So, I guess it was still a conscious decision, but I felt out of control. I think the feeling out of control part comes in when I stop counting or tracking. After all was said and done throughout the evening of baking, I probably ate about a dozen cookies…yikes!

However, rather than beating myself up about it afterward I remembered one of the most important things I learned in Weight Watchers…”what matters is what you do next”. So, I brushed my teeth, read my book and went to bed and got back on the horse today. I didn’t totally throw the towel in after a bad “out of control” experience, but got right back to tracking and eating a little lighter today – not letting it get the best of me. Just the mere fact that I’m blogging about this is huge for me – it kinda takes the power out of the binge itself. It was a choice and I’m over it…rather than this shameful deep, dark, secret thing. That is such a key to maintaining a weight loss – the forgiveness thing and the moving forward thing. Shit happens and it usually is not as big a deal as we build it up to be in our minds. Well, I need to end on a positive note – there is an addendum to this story. Or perhaps, I should say “sequel” (which was much better than the original). Tonight I made a second batch of monster cookies and I’m happy to report that I did not even have so much as a taste – dough or otherwise. I owned those cookies tonight! They are not the boss of me!!! Moving forward!